Tuesday, October 26, 2010

When I am sad

I really believe that God likes it when I'm sad. Is that a strange statement? Well, I really believe it....at least today.

When I am sad I write profound poems, personal essays, and song lyrics.

When I am sad I think about the hurting and the voiceless in the world and how I'd like to end their suffering.

When I am hurting I seem to gain enough wisdom to light a candle on somebody else's darkness.

I offer them words, they applaud my wisdom, and then I re-enter my dungeon of introspection.

When I have a "dark night of the soul" my creativity grows and I find that I'm taken to deep places that I never knew existed inside of me.

Sometimes I am moved to tears, other times I am inspired. Sometimes they work together.

I don't say this in arrogance or pride. In face there are days that I would give anything to be shallow.

I wish that my greatest concern was not having the right top to match my pants.

But, in my life pain is real. And when it hits it's strong enough to cause me to lose hope for moments at a time.

But then, I rise up off the floor and I open my notebook or laptop and write once again. I'm a "survivor" as some would say.

My pain inspires me, and apparently this is what God uses.

Sometimes I wish that I didn't survive and that God would be moved to the point that He removed it all.

But, then I think that in some weird psychotic way I would miss it all.

Because for whatever strange reason pain and happiness walk hand in hand in my heart and mind. I don't know that I'd be the same person without them.

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." -Psalm 51:17 (NIV)

"Dear God,

I heard that there is a reward for this, but I'm still waiting for my consolation prize....Can you bring it before I get to heaven?"

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