Born to die?

I recently watched a movie called, “Into the Wild” about a young man who after graduating from college decides to leave everything behind, including his family and even his identity to live out in the wild. His dream was to go to Alaska and just live among the wildlife away from people and reality.

His family doesn’t understand him or why he chose to cut all ties with them. Everyone with whom he comes across question his actions and motives. One old man whom he befriends tells him he's running. In the end, the protagonist dies alone in Alaska- the very place that he’d dreamed of going to.

As I watched this movie I had two different thoughts. The first one was that sometimes when a person sets out to do something that is out of the ordinary they are misunderstood and judged by those closest to them. Because their family and friends cannot understand their dream they despair over the choices of the individual. But sometimes people are called to do things that aren’t ordinary…

A soldier for example risks his life on a battlefield and may eventually lose his life for a cause that others may condemn or deem unfair. The wife he left behind may not appreciate being a widow, but does that change the fact that the soldier was meant to carry out a purpose that would eventually lead to his death? And then I think of jesus Christ who was literally born to die on a cross for the sins of mankind.

When he shared that his impending death was approaching, one of his disciples, Peter said to him, “Never Lord.” But in the end, while his mother wept by the cross he gave his last breath and is forever remembered as God and Savior to his faithful followers. And even those who don’t believe in his divinity still acknowledge him as a man of great wisdom.

Now back to the movie…my first thought was this kid couldn’t live until he went to Alaska. He literally felt no happiness in the life that surrounded him—"the real world," as some would call it. There’s a scene in the film when he is walking through a busy California street and observes a man in a tie laughing with a lady friend. The man’s face changes into his own and then back to his original face. The protagonist tries to imagine living a “normal” and acceptable life but it’s impossible for him. You could almost say that it's not in his DNA. He sets out again on his own into the wilderness.

Now on the flipside, he dies all by himself in Alaska. I thought about how sad it would be to take your last breath with no one around to hold your hand. And although I admire the fact that the protagonist wasn’t defeated in pursuing his dream to travel, and was not bound by time or man, I thought of how tragic it would be to achieve your dream and have no one to share it with. Isn't the purpose of life to have community, build relationships and help others? What's the point of living if you're doing it in isolation?

So I guess I'm trying to figure out what the balance is between pursuing your dreams and the fact that in pursuit of those dreams one could lose friends, family or even their life. Should one change their dream to satisfy the desire of another? Is that even possible? Is there a way to pursue a dream that is risky, and yet still be admired for your efforts and the very pursuit? Or are some people born to achieve great things and then simply die? And were some people placed on the earth simply to die?

I don’t know if there are any real answers to my questions. I just wanted to throw it out in the cosmos…or into the wild.

Are you controlled by what you own?

My husband and I are fascinated with the A&E program called "Hoarders." This reality show takes you into the lives of people who hoard things to the point where their homes are literally unlivable and even pose a health risk. Some of the people in the stories have been threatened with eviction and others have seen their families fall apart because of the excessive hoarding. It's amazing to see how the people in these stories are actually owned by what they own.

In one particular episode a woman wept as she held a teddy bear from her childhood. Although I understand that memories and keepsakes can bring you back to the past and specific memories, I was struck by the fact that most of the hoarders on these shows are living in the past. I feel really bad for these people because I see how deceived and controlled they really are.

The reason my husband and I enjoy watching these shows is because in the last three years of our lives we've gotten rid of most of our furniture, things from the past and just about anything that reminded us of negative things. We first began this journey after attending a conference where a well-known speaker spoke of finding healing through cleaning out the trash in our lives.

I had never made the connection between emotional healing and cleaning my house. Cleaning was always a chore and an obligation. Yet I was struck when the speaker said that the act of throwing things that reminded us of bad memories or even just ridding our house of excessive trash brings healing to the mind and emotions.

I was convicted because I knew that I was a hoarder in some ways. I was the girl that kept the gum wrapper because I'd purchased the gum during a vacation I enjoyed. I kept the "just in case" things in case the day would come that I needed it. The day never came and the things would collect dust in a box somewhere.

After attending this conference my life partner and I decided to do some serious housecleaning. We went through boxes and bins of things that we'd accumulated for years and gave away things that had been stored away and forgotten. Though I dreaded the process at times and wanted to quit, I threw away bags of things that I knew deep down I really didn't need.

I now understand how keeping so much stuff can control your entire life and gives you a false sense of security. My husband and I continue to clean out the trash and our lives are so much simpler without all the unnecessary baggage.

At the end of the day all that we own are just things, and when we die we're leaving it all behind. I feel free knowing that I can now trash things that I know I don't need or won't use. I don't want a messy house or life. I feel a real sense of control rather than the false one that led me to hoarding. Most of that was based on guilt. I'm happy to say that I've been delivered from hoarding!

Somebody's got lots of splainin' to do.....

He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit?" -Luke 6:39

Moral of the story: If God said no one would know, then He probably wasn't kidding.

The Staff

I've been hearing a lot of references to the story of Moses lately, and usually when I hear something mentioned repeatedly I know that God is trying to say something. Moses was a man who made a decision that changed his life forever. He killed a soldier that was mistreating a slave. Because of this he was banished and was to live a life in total isolation. He lost all the privileges of his former life and lived as a common man, even developing a speech impediment.

Years later, God appears to Him unexpectedly through the fires of a burning bush. God calls out to Moses bidding him to free the slaves from Egyptian captivity and abuse. Moses looks at himself and his circumstances and questions God. How could someone who killed a man and lost everything, including his reputation go before a Pharoah and speak on God's behalf? Rather than leave Moses to wrestle with his insecurities, and feelings of inferiority, God equips Moses for the call. God gives Moses a staff and tells him to put it on the ground. The staff then becomes a snake as a sign and a wonder for the people to see and trust that he truly is called by God. Moses continues to question until the very staff in his hand becomes a snake.

Moses was successful in fulfilling God's mandate because he looked past his insecurities and put all his trust in God. I sometimes feel like Moses. I question God in what I feel that He's called me to. How can I go out into the world and do what He's asked of me? Who am I?

But like Moses I often ask God to provide me with my own staff. I ask Him to give me the words and the wisdom to do and say what He's asked me to. And I find comfort in knowing that as long as I trust in Him and let Him lead that I can do whatever He says to do even when I'm afraid or feel unprepared. If God can give Moses a staff then I know He'll give me my staff in the package that He decides......What is your staff?

"God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called." ~unknown

Another little tree

When I was little I enjoyed watching reruns of Bob Ross painting on television. He always had a way of creating the most amazing sceneries. One thing he loved to do was add trees to his paintings. He would paint a tree or two and sometimes he would add so many trees that it seemed he was ruining the picture. I would think he messed up the painting when in the end he would add enough color and dimension that it all seemed to work together.

Rob Ross’s trees remind me of life. We often do things in life that to some may seem wrong or abnormal. I know in life I’ve made decisions that have caused others to question my ideals and motives. Because in my mind I knew the vision and big picture, I continued to do what I believed I should do even though others seemed uncertain and often voiced their disapproval.

In my faith walk, I don’t always understand what God is doing in my life either. I’m a pretty honest person and will often voice my thoughts to God and even argue with him over things that I don’t understand. I often don’t understand or see the big picture. And then a little “tree” appears somewhere in my life and it seems wrong somehow. But in the end it always seems to come together somehow.

The next time I watch another rerun of Bob Ross paint I’ll sit back and enjoy it rather than argue with him. Because I’ve learned from watching him paint in the past that even though his little trees seem out of place in the beginning, it always completes every painting he’s started. It all comes together in the end.

A Time For Women To Rise

According to statistical data, women are surpassing men on a number of sectors. This is a far cry from a time when women were raised to solely care for their household. History has shown us that shoving women in the background or removing from them the right to communicate, educate themselves, and work makes for an unbalanced world.

As Hanna Rosin points out, our world has changed and many of today's jobs require the talents that women seem to naturally bestow. We are natural caretakers, communicators, organizers, planners and we know how to listen. It is a time for women. Let us shine as we do what we are called to do without hesitation or reservations. Use your voice, talents, and gifts to change, challenge and impact your world!

My Favorite Christmas movie of all time!

Frank Capra's, "It's a Wonderful Life" is my favorite Christmas movie of all time. I love the movie so much that I will not watch it until Christmas Eve and Christmas day every year so that it doesn't lose its luster. I still remember the first time I watched it as a little girl. We had just had our Christmas family gathering with food, music, and dancing like every Christmas......

Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year so the holidays were always special, and I always looked forward to celebrating. One night, after all the festivities I was still awake and flipping through the channels when I found a magical black and white film playing on television. I watched the character of George Bailey run through his town telling everyone how much he loved them and appreciated them. My heart was so glad as I saw the joy in this man's face as he genuinely expressed his appreciation for his life. Ever since that night I make a tradition of watching "It's a Wonderful Life" every Christmas.

"It's a Wonderful Life" is a movie that helps to reshape our perspective and offers hope. If you've ever felt like a failure because things haven't turned out too well in your life, or you were disappointed by something or someone, you may feel tempted to give up. George Bailey wanted to die after losing all his money and facing possible jail time. He felt like a failure and tried to end his own life until an angel named Clarence showed him what his world would look like if he were never born. George Bailey learns that he did in fact make an impact. He also learned that although his life didn't turn out the way he wanted it to, it was still significant and he was loved. He mattered.

I didn't understand the story when I was a little girl, but it sure became reality for me last year after life handed me much pain and disappointment. This year, as I'm still in recovery, I will enjoy "It's a Wonderful Life" once again for its charm, warmth, and for the smile it always brings to my face.....regardless of my situation.

If you've never watched this film, please do so. Whether you love it or hate it you will walk away feeling something because there's a message in it for everyone.


"Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends."
-Clarence